That moment when…

….you realise you don’t have a fucking clue what you are doing!

 

I now have my key, so I’m now officially a tenant of Almonds Hill Allotments. This brings me great pleasure. It cost me a whopping £12.12 to keep the plot until the end of the year, plus a tenner for a key deposit.

£22.12 to have a plot of land that is exclusively mine. Seems insane doesn't it!

 

A very fortuitous visit to Sainsbury inadvertently resulted in picking up some tools on clearance at rock bottom prices.

I managed to grab:

Digging spade (clearance £3.75)

Digging Fork (clearance £3.75)

Hand Trowel (clearance £3.00)

Hand fork (clearance £3.00)

Quality shears (reduced from £25 to 15)

Mens leather work gloves(thorn proof) £3

Womens leather work gloves(thorn proof) £3

2 x soil sieves £3

1 Large Plastic Trug £8

2  x large Plant markers £1.33 per 10 pack

....all for around £48. BARGAIN!!!!

Once I collected my key, I spent a little time getting to know my plot, fiddling and poking around. One thing I wasn’t aware of is that you are responsible for keeping the grass pathway around your plot neat. Thankfully I'd anticipated this very problem and bought the shears!

 

I would imagine at some point I’m going to get sick of shearing around and buy myself a battery powered strimmer, but let’s walk before we run…..

 

So after I’d finished grovelling around on bended knee and tackling overgrown borders, tall grass and dandelions, and worst...bindweed(I think we may have more to say on bindweed in future posts), I decided to see what was actually growing.

 

I found:

 

Rows of very poorly looking corn – the leaves/plant is a washed out pale yellow colour – looks half dead to me

Strawberries which had been decimated by slugs and snails – but I harvested what I could

Potatoes by the hundred – I pulled up one to gauge size – it has quite some

time to go by the looks of it, but they are respectable new-sized right now

Garden peas which I sampled and were too young yet – and there are probably only about 10-12 pods anyway – barely one meal worth

Onions – they were in the ground and no shoots out the top – but they are kinda small – I have no idea if these will grow or if they are now full size!?!

Something tall and thin like a tall asparagus with a ball at the top – absolutely no idea what that is(not artichoke)

Broad beans – looking very sorry for themselves

More potatoes in the blue barrels

Some kind of pea in the blue barrels

An attempt at runner beans, decimated by slugs and snails

Rhubarb, munched to hell by slugs and snails

2 Gooseberry bushes

2 blackberry bushes

I was overwhelmed at the sheer number of snails and slugs – they are rampant. I must have found over 50 in the little time I spent poking around. I’m sure some pest control is going to be a necessity at some point. Thankfully slugs and snails don’t like eating bonsai material….

 

But it really left me scratching my head in general – I don’t know what’s ready to pick, how to tell it is ready, what the hell some of it is, and how to find out!!

 

However, for now I’m just going to spend some time tidying and weeding the plot. There’s bindweed everywhere (like ivy, it strangles everything….) I still have 2 of the 4 borders to cut back with shears, which is a pig of a job, and a considerable amount of other weeds and long grass to get in check.

 

Also, the previous owner used the compost bins for general rubbish, so I have the fun job of picking litter out – mainly beer cans and taking it to the tip…..

 

In addition, there are 2 huge ants nests in the compost bins which I broke up, with larvae aplenty. And bazillions of ants. I don’t’ know whether or not to poison them, or whether or not to leave them and they’ll die naturally now that I’ve broken up the nest

 

Some serious work to do!!

Pics or it didn't happen....

I arrived on site Sunday morning full of beans and very excited as I had, after all, been waiting almost 3 months(!) for a plot of my own.


I was offered a choice of two, 2.5 rod (approx. 62.5m2 ) plots as I'm a new starter - the theory being that so many new people have come and left as it's just way more work than it looks to keep it going, so a larger 5 or 10 rod plot would be way too much for a newbie to handle. I'm cool with that. The nature of what I'm doing and the time of year I'm starting having that much space would probably end up in me not working it all...


I was firstly shown plot 11a ....a completely redundant, flat, featureless but visibly-worked-at some-point plot. It had grass path borders and looked pretty ready for a weeding. It would need complete ground-up installation of water butts, compost bins etc. A fine little plot.


He then showed me 11b....the plot next door. As far as neat and tidy goes, this one looks like Albert Steptoe himself had spent the last 5 years there. There was a tumbledown weird construction in the corner, 2 waterbutts, 3 compost bins, a chair, a wheelbarrow, 5 watering cans, loads of blue plastic barrels cut down with various things growing in them, partly AND full constructed raised beds, 4 distinct growing 'channels' and weeds all over the shop. On the far right was a huge potato planting. In addition there was a messy pile of loose timber/canes and various other gardening implements.


Everything up to the blue water butt and including that lovely Bedouin style man cave on the right is part of the plot. You can see the 4 rows starting with the raised beds far left, then the blue barrels with soft soil for carrots etc, then some other row, then the potatoes far right.

Raised beds with Strawberry plants....(yes I did sample them, and yes they were delicious)

The centre strip of the plot - weedy with some kind of arbitrary metal fencing running up the middle.

The weird frame constructed with tarpaulin(s), containing a chest freezer/box thingy(I didn't look inside - could be full of guns/drugs/beetles/shite), a gooseberry bush(!) chairs and loads of utter shite. I'm guessing this was used a a combination of partial protection and rain shelter. Potato runs the full length of the plot in front as you can see.

When I looked at the two plots, side by side my first question was:


"If I take the messy plot, is everything staying and I take what is already here?"


The answer was yes, and as such pretty much made my mind up instantly. This plot saves me in both planning and development time and a considerable amount of money;


I will save well over £150 in buying all of the initial bits I need to get cracking as it's all here already...I just need digging/cutting tools really. There is timber, pots, other garden tools, storage, and other paraphernalia. I also don't need to plan the plot out, just cut grass/weed/remove rubbish and shite. I can make some makeshift repairs to the weird frame/shelter thing in the short term, and assuming that I get into it and intend to keep it on, I've promised myself that in a year if I'm still there. I'll buy myself a shed and pop it on that spot.


It'll take me a good few sessions to give it a good clearout, taking bags of rubbish to the tip, then weeding and tidying. But it's all there for me.


On touring the site there are a number of features which made it very attractive - there's even a state of the art self contained private loo in the boundary. Plus countless water butts(mains fed), deliveries of wood chip and conditioned topsoil, and a fairly relaxed set of rules around what I can grow.


It's going to be fun....So I accepted! I'm getting an app form sent to me today by the allotment association and I'll complete it, pay and then I'm done


WOOP!

Cometh the hour, cometh the man with shitloads of questions

I had a chat with the man from the allotment association last night. Nice chap, he was. Sounded like a man who had an allotment. A sense of calm assurance emanated from him and he exuded a patient quality.

I had thousands of questions, as you do. I would imagine every young upstart who has applied for a plot on Almonds Hill has had the same questions.

"Can I put a shed up?"

"What do you mean no fires?! How will I get rid of my waste?"

"Can I plant trees?"

Ok the last one is a ringer, but apparently trees are oft banned from allotment sites. Not sure why, maybe the depth of the roots makes them hard to dig out?

Anyway, the answer to this key & critical last question was a resounding "yes, no problem!".

It turns out that although there are many restrictions on what to grow (keep it legal being the obvious one), height is the main concern, as it may shade out fellow allotmenteer's plot - a mortal sin in this world of brassicas, back pain, leaf mould and water butts. This is good, no - great news! I can plant all of the material that I want and I have a number of years to develop it all into decent starter trees.

I plan to have patches devoted to certain types of nursery stock (juniper, pine, maple) and also a separate section for collected. I intend to apply different training techniques to each - some trees I will simply prune judiciously but allow to thicken. Others will be brutally stamped on and snapped and tortured. When they then grow they should then exhibit unusual characteristics. Only trial and error, time and patience will see me bear the fruits of my labour.

I'll also be able to plant all of those wonder veggies that I horse my way through every week. Red Onions, Asparagus & Broccoli (by the bucketload),, hopefully some salad.

So I have my appointment to meet this chap and see my new plot on Sunday at 11am.

I'm such a sad bastard that I will probably barely sleep on Saturday night through the excitement!!

I'm looking forward to many evenings spent outside, digging, weeding, pruning, deliberating...and chilling. I'm looking forward to the physical aspect too, as part of my healthy lifestyle. The weight is dropping off me right now, and this can only help....

I love being outside. (£50 says my plot is right at the top, at the opposite end to the road, up a nasty hill with only a barrow allowed in)

GOGOGOGOGO

Wow, it's all systems go now!


I've just returned from a few days chilling in a very agreeably warm Amsterdam with my good buddy Zak. After a few days of drinking solid Dutch beers, playing a little poker and smoking some of the finest weed the city has to offer in the local coffee shops, I'm brutally thrown back into the reality of work, rainy England and general miserable shite.


But positivity is afoot - I get to speak to the allotment lady today and go to choose a plot! How fucking exciting!!! I'm somewhat intimidated by the sizes of these plots, and I am wondering how the heck I'm going to move half the stuff to the allotment that I need - but luckily for larger stuff I can pinch the work van. This enables me to think about stuff like, but not limited to;


Sheds/greenhouses/potting sheds (woop!)
wheelbarrows
Gardening forks/spades/shovels etc
Water butts and guttering


I'm guessing I wont be doing too much planting this late in the year, but it will enable me to get some raised beds built. I've been scouting around for some wood for free - found an interesting post on Freecycle.org with some old roof rafters, but as yet nothing perfect. I'm going to ask the local scaffolding company if they have any old boards they don't need this week as they have been recommended by a blogger which I follow http://www.realmensow.co.uk/


I thought I'd share this excellent site/links I've found to help with the feeling overwhelmed  with my first plot.


There's so much good stuff on here:


http://www.love2learnallotmenting.co.uk/how-to-start-an-allotment


I'm guessing it's going to be a little expensive to start with, so I'm going to have to learn to scavenge, scrimp, save, reuse and recycle before end up with a mounting bill and little to show for it.


I'm now going to spend a couple of hours going through that site and learning what I can.


Hopefully I can post some pics of the plot in the next couple of days


More soon.....

Oh lament, lament, la....wait; what?

I've been thrown a bit of a curveball.


I expected/hoped to stretch out this blog into something vaguely suspenseful, dotted with comedy moments here and there, as I lamented my lengthy wait for a plot, and obsessed over everyone else's structures, plots, raised beds, and anything else vaguely horticultural. I had planned out a series of articles about what I'd do here, and the trial and tribulations of deciding to use raised beds or open ground growing, the type of produce which would feature, and in what quantities....


....but then this happened:

....but I'm not ready?!?!

I am nowhere near ready? I have no tools, no wellies, no anything?

I haven't even been practising the smug grin that I would assume anybody who is accepted for an allotment would be sporting for the following few weeks(until the reality of the hard work kicked in)

I haven't bought dungarees, a wooly hat or gloves? I haven't really thought this through at all....

I'm not ready!!! I'm...I'm....fuck aye, I'm ready...

Dammit! I was born ready.

Bring on the dirt!!!

Pics to follow of the hugely unexciting load of mud early next week!